8 Parenting Rules I "Break" On Purpose
and Why I Don't Lose Sleep Over It
When I became a first time mom, I dove HEAD FIRST into all of the books, blogs, articles, you name it- I read it. I was convinced that there was this ideal way to parent complete with a rule book I could just follow along with.
I quickly realized that not only was there no rule book, besides keep the kid alive at all costs, but all of your pre-parenting beliefs change in the blink of an eye when you’re in the thick of it. In fact, I’ll save you some stress now and tell you that anything you say you’ll NEVER do as a parent, might look different at 2 am when you’re so exhausted and you just want everyone to go to sleep.
I’m discovering that parenting rules or guides are really just…suggestions. And while there’s definitely some things you should TRY to do, you get to decide what works in the moment, and what your sanity has deemed necessary to just get through the day. So here are eight parenting “rules” that I break regularly, shame free, so you can see that we all do it and it’s 100% ok if it happens to you too.
Never bribe your kids.
Listen, I love this idea in theory and while I follow it a lot of the times because bribery is never the best tool in your parenting tool box, I also regularly break it. Sometimes I need my kid to take their antibiotics and if they’ll do it if I promise them a jelly bean after, then honestly we’re learning the power of negotiation right? If you’re finding yourself in the middle of a huge power struggle, and you’re feeling exhausted or burnt out- I promise no one will tell on you if you resort to bribery. We’ve all been there.
Don’t let them sleep in bed with you.
If you can believe it, this is one of those rules I came straight into parenting with and swore I’d never do it. NEVER, NOT ME!
And then my kids showed me that sleep deprivation is very real and if everyone sleeps peacefully in my bed, then who am I to kick them out at 2 am? I tell myself that one day they’ll be teenagers and I’ll miss seeing their little sleeping faces and that usually helps me get over this rule break.
Keep your cool during tantrums.
I love this rule in theory. In practice, I’m realizing I get overstimulated too and if everyone is crying and screaming by 9 am, after being up all night, I’m going to get a little frazzled and not always be a beacon of calm. So this your sign that everyone loses their cool from time to time and to cut yourself some slack. One thing I do always do is repair, that’s one rule I always try to abide by.
Meals need a designated “time”.
I am one hundred percent guilty of having breakfast for lunch…and dinner. In fact if we could eat breakfast for every meal I think my kids would ask me to sign them right up for that. In my house, food is food and that’s it. As long as we eat something green once or twice I’m honestly really happy with that. And if we don’t…well, that’s why I buy multivitamins. I just can’t stress about food, it becomes exhausting.
Milestones have to be hit at a certain age.
I just have one question about these milestones, who decided these timelines? A chart? A facebook blogger? Kids are not machines and they’re not all going to do everything on the same timeline. My second child taught me that kids truly do things when they’re ready and whatever I want or expect can just take a backseat. So I stopped stressing it. They’ll learn how to walk, talk, tie their shoes, use the bathroom, etc when they’re ready and not a second before. Milestones are important, I definitely agree, but you know your kid best and sometimes they’re just on their own timeline.
Give your kids a bath every night.
This one is taboo, I know, but as a mom of an eczema prone kid I learned that daily baths are actually not great for us. And if all we did was hang out at home all day, I’m just not stressing about it. We do baths/showers every other day, and then a fast wipe down and a prayer on the non shower day and it works for us.
Kids should be in bed by 7:30.
With my first kid I was SO strict about bedtime, feeding schedules, naps. To the point that we took a family vacation to Italy and I refused to go out at night for fear of missing bedtime. Sometimes I laugh at that version of myself because I was so worried of “messing it all up”. Or I had anxiety and that was a coping mechanism, honestly jury is still out. Then kid number 2 came along and I realized that if we wanted to go out on adventures, have fun on vacation, or just enjoy life, bedtime had to be flexible. While 7:30 is an ideal time, most parents can tell you that there’s what you want to happen at night, and what your kids make a reality. So now I’m just happy if everyone is fast asleep by 9:30.
Your kids have to come first.
This rule works for me 95% of the time. As a parent, I know the name of the game is sacrifice. We sacrifice sleep, sanity, our dinner plate, you name it. But 5% of the time, I’m realizing that I have to take care of my needs first before I can be a good parent. This one was a hard pill to swallow, but it also helped show me that while my kids can come first when it really matters, I also don’t have to be a martyr either. So sometimes I’ll give them the shirt off of my back, and other times I tell them I’m not sharing my breakfast because it’s the first thing I’ve eaten all day and they’ve already had 2 meals and 3 snacks. Putting myself first occasionally, helps me show up as a better mom for them and really that’s all we can ask for.
No matter what rules you have or break, parenting is messy and imperfect. There is no perfect system, and anyone who tells you otherwise just isn’t being honest (to you or themselves). All of these “rules” we’re supposed to be following, they don’t always fit into the reality of our lives and sometimes breaking them is the best thing we can do. It hasn’t made me a worse parent (I hope), it’s actually made me a more present, and laid back one. It’s how I’ve found my own way through the noise, the guilt, and the million opinions. Every family is different, every kid is different, and sometimes the best thing you can do is trust yourself and make your own set of rules.
